So, it’s official, you’re now considering the next level of your relationship and want to move up to the “married couple” territory with your beloved partner. After all, both of you have been dating each other for a while now and the idea of marriage is now in the picture. Although you should already know your partner pretty well by now, just how well do you know that both of you will make a good couple for the long term?
If you want to make sure that your partner is on the same page as you are, then it’s time for a Q&A session with your loved one! With marriage being a long-term commitment, it is best to be sure that you are starting off on the right path for your married life with the right person.
The questions worth asking
While there is no definite set of questions to ask, it is important to find out if your partner’s opinions, thoughts, and values are compatible with yours, especially for important issues like finances, careers, family, and relationships. Here is a list of questions that most couples would find helpful to discuss before tying the knot:
Question 1: What are the household plans?
Before marrying, you will need to know how and where you and your would-be spouse will be living in. Some people may prefer a house while others might fancy living in a condominium or apartment, which makes planning the living conditions an important first step for any marriage.
Besides that, there is also the question of who will be its occupants. Do you and your partner want to live only with each other? Or are you both fine with having either of your parents living together with you and your partner? Although it might just seem like a privacy issue at first glance, you might find yourself having to cope with both lesser boundaries and heavier costs of living if you don’t discuss this thoroughly.
Question 2: What are your career goals?
Since you and your partner are going to be together for the long run, your career paths and goals should be considered to see how they will influence your married life. This is important to letting you both reach your intended goals without jeopardizing your marriage.
One way of doing this is to discuss what career goals you both have in ten years. For example, would you be fine with giving up your ideal career path after getting married? Or are you willing to compromise on your career goals for your marriage? Although having career goals is important, it is just as essential to work out how well you and your partner’s career plans go together.
Question 3: Do you want children?
Marrying means forming a new family of your own, and having children is common for many couples. If you want to have children, you will ideally need a stable financial and social foundation to start on along with plenty of willpower as being parents is a very big commitment and will impact your finances, lifestyle, and even career.
If the answer is yes, you will want to plan when do you want your kids with consideration of you and your parents’ wishes (if any). Plus, you also need to discuss how the children’s financial needs will be taken care of and what kind of future and education you want them to have. It is definitely a lot of work and is something worth taking the time to consider as parenting is just not meant for everyone.
Question 4: Do you and your partner’s families get along?
Like any couple, there are bound to be differences or things they disagree on, and families are no exception. By marrying your partner, you are also uniting his or her family with yours, and it is imperative to keep relations good between everyone for your marriage’s sake.
Even if you cannot ensure a fully positive relationship between both families, this question should help you get started on identifying and working out any issues that might put a strain on your marriage, especially early on. Additionally, both families should not bottle up any ill feelings as this can lead to resentment and unresolved disputes, which can be disastrous to everyone involved.
Question 5: What are the families’ views on finances?
Everyone has different views on money, and this is a common topic when marriage is concerned. For the most part, many parents typically have a preferred financial expectation for their children’s future spouse – this can influence their approval of you or your partner.
It is important for you and your partner’s families to share similar views on money, or at the very least, be accepting of each other’s financial status to prevent any tensions from breaking out. Since you should have a general idea of this while dating, asking this question early on and acting accordingly can help prevent money issues from becoming a problem after you’re married.
Question 6: Who makes the decisions in the new family?
Many married couples often have someone that calls the shots for important decisions, be it financial or otherwise. Regardless of whether it is the husband or wife, having one person call every shot has the potential to seriously dent any long-term relationship.
By asking this question, you can properly work out how and who will be making important decisions. Having a give-and-take approach is a good way to do this by letting one party call the shots while the other takes care of other decisions. This way, things are fair, and everyone is happy.
Question 7: Do they get along with your friends?
If family tensions won’t break a relationship, then conflicts with friends will. Do you accept and respect your partner’s friends? Or is your partner not really fond of your own friends? These are questions worth asking each other as having negative relationships with friends won’t do your marriage any good favors, especially if close friends happen to be involved.
Since you and your partner may have different kinds of friends, you should at the very least look to keep relations friendly and respectful between you, your partner, and all your friends. Plus, who doesn’t want their friends to be happy for their relationship?
Question 8: How is your financial situation?
Money makes the world go round, and this is no exception for marriage. With the costs of living nowadays, you will want to figure out whether your partner’s financial status is compatible with your own to avoid both a failing marriage and money troubles.
Besides that, you will have to discuss how all your finances and property will be managed after getting married – do you want to share property? Will your financial costs be taken care
of together or only by one of you? These are important questions to ask as how you tackle issues with money can make or break your relationship.
Question 9: Your views of loyalty towards marriage?
Where love fuels a relationship, loyalty helps to sustain it. As not everyone has the same views on loyalty in a relationship, it is crucial for you and your partner to have clear definitions on what counts as being loyal and unfaithful, especially for marriage.
For instance, how okay are you with physical contact between your partner and friends of the opposite sex? Are you fine with your partner regularly hanging out with friends of the opposite sex? These types of questions are helpful in letting you and your partner understand each other’s boundaries and change accordingly to prevent any problems that might occur later on.
Question 10: What are your lifestyle trends?
Living the married life means going through life together, and this may reveal a hidden side to both of you to each other. If your lifestyle habits contrast with your partner’s, then this is something best discussed before getting married to find out how your lifestyle trends might bother each other and how you can face them.
While you might be able to put up with your partner’s small annoyances to an extent, it is just better to talk about it than to endure them every day, which will inevitably lead to some unsavory arguments.
Question 11: How will house chores be handled?
It is safe to say that no one likes doing chores, and this makes it all the more important to plan how you and your partner will handle them. Who will be doing the cooking? Who is doing the dishes? Who is cleaning the house? These questions need to be figured out properly and clearly.
Although these are seemingly minor issues, putting up with them on a regular basis can gradually damage your marriage with souring relationships and feelings of resentment if you and your partner do not handle this properly.
Question 12: How do you deal with arguments?
It’s totally normal for couples to argue from time to time, especially for married ones. But the key here is to know how to handle them properly. If you and your partner have gotten into an argument, would you prefer to have both of you cool down first before resolving the issue? Or would you rather have both of you confront the problem directly in a civil manner?
Although arguments are an inevitable part of life, having a proper plan to handle arguments can go a long way in reducing the strain it causes to your relationship.
Question 13: Are you fine with my flaws?
As the saying goes, “nobody is perfect”. During the dating period, many people tend to see their partner as perfect and without flaws, which is simply not true. Because of this, it is important for you and your partner to know each other’s strengths and flaws clearly before marrying. This way, you can better gauge if you are both the right fit for each other in the long run.
Since not all flaws are easily noticeable, you should also pay attention to their attitude and behavior to see if they have any underlying problems. The last thing you would want is for your seemingly wonderful spouse to turn out to be an abusive partner.
Question 14: Any medical history?
While this is something a little out of your control, this question is still worth asking to see if there are any potential health complications that you or your partner might have to face. Genetics and any hereditary diseases should be openly discussed along with any underlying health issues so that both of you can better understand each other’s medical history, which is especially important if you are concerned with fertility.
As such, going for a premarital health screening should be a high priority before marrying. Besides serving as a medical checkup, this is helpful for charting your family planning and preparing ahead for any medical risks.
Question 15: What are your personal limits?
Everyone has personal limits and being in a relationship does not make this any different. For most people, crossing these boundaries can lead to anger and hurt feelings, which makes it highly important for both you and your partner to know and respect each other’s personal limits.
In the same vein, you should also never set these boundaries aside just because you are married, such as for important matters like work. While giving and taking in a relationship is healthy, doing so will just likely end up in negative feelings between you and your partner.
While getting married is a wondrous moment for celebration, it is also good to be able to make an informed decision on who it is you are spending the rest of your life with. With these questions, you can see how well you and your partner’s needs, wants, and expectations line up with each other, which are essential ingredients for any long-lasting marriage.